


same old love

by CelebrateTheFreedom



Series: Writing Prompts Challenge [8]
Category: Captain America - All Media Types, Marvel Cinematic Universe
Genre: Alien Technology, Alternate Universe, Alternate Universe - Soulmates, Angst with a Happy Ending, Fluff, Fluff and Angst, Friends to Lovers, M/M, Parallel Universes, Steve Rogers Feels, Steve is trying to get his shit together
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-02-27
Updated: 2019-02-27
Packaged: 2019-11-06 13:32:15
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 13,617
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/17940635
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/CelebrateTheFreedom/pseuds/CelebrateTheFreedom
Summary: Steve touches some alien tech and proceeds to have dreams of Bucky. Only these dreams aren't really dreams, they are peeks at other realities, other universes.Steve not dealing well with it is an understatement.





	same old love

Bucky was better now. He was alive and kicking. After Wakanda, he had been fine with his new arm and all. Bucky and Steve were fighting alongside the rest of the Avengers, having each other’s backs just like before. Many things had changed, but their friendship remained strong. Steve’s love for him as well.

Bucky saw him as a friend. A brother. The bond they shared was incomparable, Steve knew. And he hated himself for wanting more. Before the war and all the tragedy, he had thought of himself as greedy; he longed for much more than he could ever have. He longed for things that were forbidden. He wondered if Bucky was just like him, he never came to a certain conclusion.

He hoped, of course. He dreamed of the day Bucky would gather him in his arms and kiss the life outta him. He used to daydream, his sketchbook used to be full of Bucky. His hands, his hair, his jawline, his lips. It was surprising that people hadn’t found it and showcased it on the Smithsonian. Actually, it shouldn’t have surprised him at all.

Captain America could never be anything other than completely straight. Drawings of men didn’t help conceive this idea, so it was discarded. He received a few sketchbooks when he came back. Mainly the ones which carried his drawings of Bucky. He wasn’t ashamed of who he was. The opposite, actually. But after having lived in a world where he could have been arrested or killed for being who he was, he preferred to be discreet like he was taught to. It got old pretty fast, he didn’t want to live his life hidden, so he stopped trying to date altogether.

He had loved Peggy Carter, but that was all the history books seemed to remember. He still loved Bucky Barnes, although it was erased from history all the same. It hurt, for some time. Steve was still learning how to deal with that. Sometimes Steve wanted to shout from the top of his lungs. But Bucky came back and Steve didn’t know how he’d react. So Steve went quietly back into the closet. He couldn’t, wouldn’t afford losing Bucky after fighting so hard to get him back there.

They were friends. If sometimes they shared a bed, shared a meal, shared clothes, Steve would have to learn how to deal. Even if he pretended they were something else other than friends when they woke up curled up on each other, no one would have to know.

This story actually starts on a battlefield. Well, it’s not exactly a battlefield other than the streets of New York. Another weird alien invasion was in its course. Steve was fighting along Nat, Clint, and Bucky to get control of the creatures while Tony and Thor tried to reach the cause and stop them from coming

Every time they killed one, they were drenched in a disgusting solution that Steve guessed might be their blood. It was gooey and gross. Steve wished they didn't have to deal with this kind of shit so often.

Tony and Thor apparently figured it out. They were killing more and more aliens and the number of them was decreasing, thank God. Steve was feeling disgusting enough, he didn't want to add up another layer of goo on his suit. Seriously, this job was getting more and more bizarre as the time went on. He was getting too old for this shit.

He told as much to Bucky who laughed out loud. "Alright old man, I think your afternoon nap is past due." He had answered. Steve hid his smile and flipped him the bird. Bucky was still chuckling by the time they reached Tony and Thor.

They were standing beside some type of engine, it glowed a pink light and it seemed to be slowly dying out. Steve had his shield raised up to cover most of his chest and face. He had lost one of his gloves to one of the aliens he had been fighting, so when he reached up to touch the engine right where it glowed his hand was bare.

"Don't touch it." Tony half yelled, half scolded him. It was too late anyway, Steve touched it and felt a small electric discharge go up his arm. He shuddered with it and someone got him away from the alien tech.

"Are you stupid?" Bucky said pulling him backward. "Touching alien shit with your bare hands?!"

"Uh… sorry?" Steve was a little dizzy.

"Oh god, how are you feeling?" Bucky sounded concerned and was touching his face and forehead with both of his hands.

Steve sighed, closing his eyes trying to ground himself.

"I'm fine, a little tired from the fight." He opened his eyes and looked at Bucky with a sheepish smile.

"You're really an old man."

"You're older than me, grandpa."

"And I look this good?! Damn, lucky bastard, ain't I?"

"If it helps you sleep at night, sure, Buck," Steve said looking at Bucky from the corner of his eye. The dizziness was almost completely gone.

Steve shoot a message to Bruce about his symptoms as soon as he was home, before even getting cleaned up. He let Bucky use the main bathroom and headed to the smaller one. Stripping, he got into the shower to wash away the alien blood in his body and hair.  
It took him a solid hour to get clean enough to his standards. He was getting out of the shower feeling like a new man, thank Stark for unlimited hot showers.

"I thought you had drowned in there," Bucky commented trying to sound nonchalant.

"Aw, you missed me, babe?" Steve said mockingly, throwing himself on Bucky's lap, where he was sat on the couch. Bucky lost no time and tickled him right on his ribs where he was the most ticklish. Steve squealed and tried to get away from him, laughing uncontrollably. He fell to the ground still laughing and he could hear Bucky's laugh from where he was sat on the couch as well.

His chest felt like it could burst with happiness. Before, he wouldn’t dare imagine laughing with Bucky in the future. But here they were. He laid on the floor and looked up to watch as Bucky stopped laughing and looked back at him with a fond grin on his face. He wished could live in those moments when he felt like they could be more. It was unfair to Bucky and to himself, too, thinking like that. But he couldn’t help it, not when Bucky looked at him like the sun shone out of his ass. What could he do if he also looked at Bucky like he hung the moon and all the stars?

They ended up having pizza with the rest of the team, joking and laughing as if they hadn’t just defeated an army of aliens. Bruce was also there, laughing right along with them. It was good seeing him loosening up. He told Steve to call or text him if he saw anything different in the next few days. Steve nodded thinking his phrasing sounded a little off, but told him he was feeling like nothing happened anyway, he was just fine. Although still promising to report to Bruce if his status changed.

Bucky was eyeing them throughout the whole exchange. He didn’t say anything, but Steve already knew he was getting a lecture as soon as they got back to their floor. They stepped out of the elevator, Bucky raised his eyebrow quietly. Steve sighed.

“Okay, lecture time,” Steve mumbled.

“I have super hearing, punk.” Bucky flicked Steve’s ear to annoy him.

“I know what you're going to say, Buck.”

Bucky sighed and rolled his eyes.

“I'm sorry, okay? I can’t change what happened.” Steve had a pout on his lips.

“You could try not being that reckless in the future, then.”

“I will. Promise.”

Bucky looked at him skeptically. “Okay.”

Steve smiled shyly at him. “Watch a movie before bed?”

Bucky shook his head trying to conceal a smile but headed to the living room anyway. Steve bumped their shoulders and looked at him smiling.

He chose a movie for them to watch on Netflix and sat comfortably on the couch, Bucky right beside him. By the first third of the movie, Steve started to nod off. Bucky smiled fondly at him and arranged him so that he wouldn’t have a neck ache.

*

Steve woke up in a different bed from his, he frowned and got up weary. His heart pounding hard on his chest. He walked around the bedroom opening and closing closet doors and drawers. All of his things were there, his shirts, his pants, jackets, and underwear. Bucky’s too. Right alongside his, as if they shared the room.  
He was getting goosebumps just by seeing their clothes together as they belonged there.

“Steve? Breakfast is ready!” He heard Bucky’s voice calling him from somewhere outside the door. He took a deep breath if Bucky was there, he would be fine.  
He got out of the bedroom letting himself relax as he saw Bucky in an apron by the stove. He was wearing workout clothes and his metal arm was holding a spatula. Steve got near the kitchen and stretched yawning and closing his eyes for a second. By the time he had his eyes open Bucky was right in front of him, crowding him in his personal space. He pecked at his lips and smiled at him.

“Good morning, sleepyhead.”

Steve was struck dumb, his mouth hanging open as he watched Bucky walk away and go back to finishing their breakfast. “Morning,” He mumbled trying to get his brain back online.

He walked to the coffee pot and poured himself a mug, he took a sip and tried to clear his head. He wasn’t in his apartment but Bucky was still here and he had just kissed him. He breathed through his nose.

Bucky sat on the stool near Steve. “Pour me a cup, will you?”

“Sure,” And Steve handed him the mug with coffee and sat by him.

Bucky looked at him frowning. “You okay?”

“Yeah, I think,” Steve shrugged, he didn’t want to give anything away, he didn’t know where he was.

“You're lucky Janet canceled on you.”

“Janet?” Bucky looked at him weirdly.

“Your client? You’ve been her personal for like six months now.” Steve needed to play the part, he would get nothing by playing dumb and Bucky was already looking at him, seeming a little worried.

“Oh yeah, Janet! I’m so tired I’m not feeling like myself.”

Bucky smiled coyly at him, then. “Aw, babe, did I tire you out?”

Steve blushed getting what it meant. He chuckled awkwardly and Bucky laughed at his reaction, pulling him in for a kiss. Steve lost himself in the kiss, allowing himself to have it at least this once. His tongue brushing Bucky’s, who tasted like coffee. Steve ended up getting up from the stool and getting even closer to him. Touching his hair and neck as they kissed deeply. They moved apart with a smile and when Bucky looked up at him he whispered ‘I love you’. Steve’s heart felt like stopping and a shiver ran through his spine at the words.

“I love you, too.” He kissed Bucky’s cheek. Sitting down the grabbed a slice of bacon and chewed on it to distract himself and prevent him from crying. Bucky started talking about his classes today, they would be apart for most of the day because apparently, Bucky would have to cover up for Nat. “She's going to the doctor today.”

“Is she okay?” Steve asked worriedly.

“Just fine, you know how pregnant women have to go to the doctors every couple of weeks or something.” Steve smiled at that, trying to conceal his surprise.

“Yeah, sure, duh.” Bucky son got up and said his goodbyes, kissing Steve once again and promising he would be back by six.

“See you, babe.”

“See you, Stevie.” And he walked out the door.

As soon as Steve couldn’t hear Bucky anymore he was frantically searching around the apartment looking for answers. He looked at all the papers in the office. It seemed like they owned the apartment, there weren’t records for rent payments and stuff. The found the taxes paper from both his and Bucky’s job as they worked self-employed. He found his schedule of clients, whistling as he also found a spreadsheet with his numbers; He charged a lot per hour, damn. Today he only had Janet schedule for the morning and a Paul scheduled for four o’clock. He still had time before he had to deal with it. Good thing everything was well organized.

He went on to the living room looking at the pictures by the fireplace, there were pictures of Bucky and him, their friends (they were still the same, here), there was even a picture with Nat with the smallest baby bump and they were holding a little sign that read “I’m The Godfather”, Steve chuckled because Bucky looked ridiculously good looking in a suit and glasses.

He went back to their bedroom and started looking around again, blushing when he found a drawer full of lube and sex toys. He didn’t want to go there. Looking through Bucky’s drawer he found a small black velvet box and all the air left his lungs. He opened it to find two gold bands. His nostrils burned and his breathing was coming in hard pants. He closed the box and put it away. It was like a dam had broken, he was crying and couldn’t stop.

It wasn’t his life, it wasn’t his Bucky. But it was everything he ever wanted. Whoever did this was a sick motherfucker. He laid on their bed, tears still streaming down his face and he wondered how could they know it would break him? He had never talked about it with anyone and he sure as hell had never acted on it with Bucky.

*

He woke up startled, panting hard and sitting up on the bed. He touched his face and the tears were there. He looked around and now he was in the bedroom he recognized. The one in the Avengers tower. He got up and started opening all the drawers and doors. Only his clothes were there. He took a deep breath and looked at the time. It was 5 A.M. Steve quickly got dressed up and went for a run. Tears still fell from his eyes during his run, so he continued running until it stopped. It took him almost three hours.

He headed back to the Tower feeling slightly better. It was just a dream, he thought getting into the elevator. He was about to tell F.R.I.D.A.Y to take him to his floor when he remembers what Bruce had said. See something different, he said. That’s how he ended up on Bruce’s lab.

“Okay, I saw something different,” Steve said as soon as he spotted the man drinking something hot from a mug, he guessed it was tea. Bruce nodded at him, indicating a chair for him to sit.

“Okay, tell me what it was.” Steve could see the engine he had touched the day before sitting on the top of the table in front of Bruce, the pink light it was emitting was less bright than he remembered.

Steve took a deep breath and told the doctor everything he had seen, what he and Bucky talked about, the documents he saw and the pictures. He told him about their kisses and the ring looking down throughout the whole story.

Bruce hummed and wrote something on the notebook he had in his hands.

“Steve, I gotta say, what I’m gonna tell you is going to sound insane.”

“I don’t think there are many things that can shock me anymore.”

“Fair enough,” Bruce chuckled. “You visited a parallel universe.”

“What?” Steve asked frowning.

“There are many universes coexisting as we are talking right now.” He waited for Steve’s nod before continuing. “They may be similar to the one we live in or completely different.”

“So you’re telling me what I saw was a glimpse of another universe where I am a personal trainer and Bucky teaches yoga?”

“Yes, that’s exactly it. There may be millions, billions, even, of other universes as well. There may be one where you and Bucky never met at all or one you were never separated. The possibilities are infinite.” Bruce explained

“But how did I access it?”

Bruce pointed at the alien engine, Steve groaned.

“Really?” He sounded defeated. “How do we stop it?”

“I'm trying to figure it out. The aliens were coming from a parallel universe and Tony was able to deactivate the portal it had created. You were the only one who touched this with your bare hands.” Steve sighed. “I'm trying to deactivate it completely and I think it should stop you from visiting different realities.”

“Okay, just don’t try and do it when I’m asleep, that how I went to the parallel universe. Maybe I can get stuck.”

“Of course, just make sure to only fall asleep at night, then.” Steve nodded and started to get up.

“See you around, Bruce.”

“Thank you for coming to me.” Bruce placed a hand on Steve’s shoulder. “If you need to talk about it, I’m always ready to listen.”

“I’ll keep it in mind, thank you, though.”

“You’re welcome, I’ll keep you posted about my advances on the engine.”

Steve nodded and waved at the man, heading to the elevator and his apartment. He was already feeling tired, replaying what happened in another universe in his mind. He saw Bucky as soon as he walked into the apartment. He was serious, typing away on his phone.

“Morning,” Steve said.

“Morning,” Bucky looked at him with a serious expression on his face.

“What?”

“You didn’t even think of taking your phone with you or leaving a message saying you weren’t kidnapped or killed?” He had the no-nonsense tone in his voice, it meant 'I was worried' in Bucky’s language

“Sorry, Buck. I just really needed some time to myself.” Steve didn’t want it to sound so defensive but it did anyway.

“Oh,” Now he hurt Bucky, great fucking shit.

“It’s not- I just went for a run.” Steve walked to the couch and sat by him. He rested his head on the back of the couch and frowned.

“I thought I fell asleep on the couch last night.” Steve turned his head to look at Bucky who was blushing now.

“I- uh, I carried you to your bedroom,” Bucky said not looking at him.

Steve poked him in the ribs, grinning until Bucky looked over.

“Stop it.” Bucky was still flushed, but his eyes were sparkling. Steve laughed and got up.

“How about I take a shower and we head out for breakfast, so I can make it up to you for just vanishing this morning.”

Bucky crossed his arms and pretended to think about it for a minute before Steve nudged his foot with his own. He looked up and nodded with a small smile on his face. Steve beamed at him and headed to his bedroom to get ready. He didn’t see Bucky sighing and smiling fondly at him.

During his shower Steve contemplated telling Bucky about his visit to the parallel universe, but decided against it, it would just be awkward and it wasn’t something Bucky really had to worry about.

Getting out of the shower, he got dressed quickly. He checked his phone, there were like 15 missed calls from Bucky and a string of messages saying that Bucky would kill him if he got himself in danger or killed. Steve smiled reading the messages, the last one read “I’m worried about you, call me when you can”. Soon enough Steve finished getting ready and they were heading out of the door to have breakfast.

The whole day was pretty calm, they had to go to a meeting for a debriefing of yesterday’s combat. But once it was over they spent the day resting, watching tv, reading and talking to the rest of the team. Eventually, Steve went over to Bruce’s lab again to see if there was anything he could do to help, but Tony was already there and he was far more suited to deal with that than Steve. So he decided to leave them to that and headed back to his floor.

Arriving there he was frozen on the sight of Bucky standing on some sort of mat, shirtless and doing an intricate pose, which he then realized he was mimicking the woman on the video that was playing on the tv.

“You okay over there, pal?” Bucky asked maintaining his position, seeing Steve standing there by his peripheral vision.

“What are you doing?”

“Yoga!” He said excitedly finally moving from the bent over position to stand up straight. “Bruce suggested it to me earlier this month, we’ve been practicing together, but he’s too busy today.”

“I didn’t know that,” Steve was staring at him with his mouth slightly open. Recovering quickly he nodded his head.

“Why don’t you go change and join me?”

“Oh, okay.” Steve blinked and realized he was being at the very least a little weird, Bucky was looking at him with a knowing glint in his eye. He was clearly fighting a smile as Steve turned and headed to his bedroom.

Steve came back also shirtless and with a lame excuse of working out shorts. It was so small Bucky wondered if in the right position he would be able to see Steve’s butt cheeks. He blushed with this trail of thoughts. Steve stood by him as if his shorts weren’t indecent, looking all innocent and ready to practice yoga.

Bucky had retrieved his other yoga mat in the meantime and Steve was going to use it. He pressed play on the video again and both of them moved into the position shown. Steve struggled with some positions, his balance not what he had thought it was. It turns out he was still growing used to this body, even after so many years. After about 45 minutes of practice, both of them were breaking a serious sweat. Steve didn’t know yoga could be such a good work out.

The last pose was a lotus pose and Steve seriously didn’t know how Bucky’s legs managed to be bent in that position. He just crossed his legs normally and followed the breathing exercise proposed in the video. It calmed him so much he saw a flash of holding someone’s hand and rose petals being thrown at them by happy faces. He was almost sure it was Bucky’s hand and it was a peek into another universe. He opened his eyes and was a little breathless, then he looked over at Bucky who looked relaxed and content still maintaining the pose, unaware of what was going on with Steve.

He got up and stretched one more time. His body felt relaxed and his muscles finally worn out in a good way. He took a deep breath, then announcing he was going to take a quick body shower and order Chinese take-out. Bucky hummed in acknowledgment and laid on the mat he had been sitting on.

The end of the night was chill and Steve felt so at ease that when his head hit the pillows he had truly forgotten all about parallel universes and only thought of how he still got impressed with how his life with Bucky had turned out good. He only thought of how grateful he was that he got to spend the remaining time he had left on this Earth with his best friend by his side; Someone who got him, someone who understood what it was like to be thrust 70 years into the future and told to deal with it. He was glad for having Bucky by his side, he wished he knew just how much Steve loved and cherished him.

*

Steve opened his eyes slowly, getting used to the brightness in the room. It was hot and the sun filtered in through the huge windows. He couldn’t get a good look at them, but he would bet on his life it wasn’t New York outside of it.

After noticing the brightness and the heat, he looked at the man in front of him. Bucky was still sleeping peacefully. They were facing each other on the bed, both shirtless - maybe naked, Steve hadn’t checked yet.

His hair was short, his skin was sun-kissed if a little red on the top of his nose. And if he had been spending time in the sun, Steve imagined they were at a beach. He shifted on the bed so that he was lying on his back. Bucky, sensing he moved, ended up opening his eyes slightly. He smiled lazily at Steve and moved to lay his head on Steve’s chest.

“Morning, husband,” Bucky said and Steve’s eyes were as wide as saucers at the title. He looked at his left hand and there was the proof he was married to Bucky Barnes in this reality. He might cry at some point before leaving this reality.

“Morning, Mr. Rogers.” He responded with a fondness in his voice.

“Barnes-Rogers, excuse me, sir,” Bucky mumbled back at him like it was an old argument that turned into their little inside joke.

He chuckled and decided to enjoy this little paradise for as long as he could. He looked outside the window and there was the most beautiful view of the sea he had ever seen. They weren’t in America, then.

He touched Bucky’s face and angled it up. He was looking at Steve with half-lidded eyes and a coy expression on his face. Steve leaned down and sealed their lips together in a soft kiss. But Bucky wasn’t having any of it. He got control of the situation and deepened the kiss. Steve was more than eager to meet him blow for blow.

Steve then realized they both were very much naked. He felt Bucky’s erection pressing down on his tight. He groaned and bared his neck, letting his head fall back into the pillow. Bucky didn’t wait any longer and started kissing up and down Steve’s neck. He started sucking right below his right ear and Steve lost it. He could’ve come just like that, rutting against Bucky’s hip while he sucked on his neck.

Bucky must’ve sensed it because he stopped and distanced himself from Steve. He whined and tried to grab Bucky and bring him close to him again. Bucky wasn’t letting him, though. He simply got up with a mischievous smile plastered on his face and started walking towards what Steve guessed was the bathroom.

“Uh-uh hubby, hold out for tonight. I’m planning something big for us.”

Steve groaned and tried to argue, but Bucky had already felt the room. Having his head clearer now he was glad Bucky stopped. He didn’t want his first sexual experience with Bucky to be with any other Bucky than his own. He knew he could be risking never having any sexual experience with Bucky altogether, but Steve thought he wouldn’t be able to live with himself after taking advantage of someone who didn’t know exactly who he was - or using Bucky’s body like that.

He got up after his dick was only half-hard, put on his underwear and headed to the bathroom to brush his teeth and kiss Bucky some more. Entering the room, he found Bucky only in with a towel wrapped around his waist and he wanted to touch. Damn, he couldn’t keep his promise for even five minutes.

He tried to have self-restraint, but as he was brushing his teeth, Bucky wrapped his arms around Steve’s waist from behind.

“I love you,” He said kissing Steve’s shoulder.

“I love you, too,” Steve half said half mumbled with the toothbrush still in his mouth.

“Bucky,” Steve whined as Bucky’s hands started to travel up and down his torso. Brushing lightly against his nipples and going as low as he could get away with without effectively touching Steve’s dick. Steve turned in his arms after spitting out the toothpaste foam and rinsing his mouth, trying his hardest not to bend down too much.

“Stop teasing me, jerk.”

“Stop being so irresistible,” Bucky leaned in to kiss him again, but Steve only allowed a chaste kiss before pushing Bucky out of the bathroom.

“I’m gonna take a shower, don’t you dare come in.”

He heard Bucky chuckling and heard some noises as if he was handling clothes. He deemed it to be safe enough for him to shower and proceeded to take the fastest shower of his entire life. If Bucky got into the shower with him, he would cave.

After the little bathroom scene, Bucky was a gentleman throughout the whole breakfast and walk at the beach. He held Steve’s hand and they talked about everything and nothing for a long time. Bucky talked, actually. Steve tried hard to make it seem like he knew what Bucky was talking about.

This Bucky worked for Shield Inc. that apparently was a weapons manufacturer. He had worked for Red Room Inc. which was horrible and they were market enemies of Shield. Bucky was an accountant and the office drama was to live for.

Apparently, Darcy, the manager, had an affair with Maria Hill, the CEO. And they thought no one knew, but the whole office had seen pictures of them on dates for months and months. There was an ongoing bet on when they would realize everybody knew and when they would finally come out as girlfriends or more for the team. It was all good natured and wholesome.

This reality kicked ass. He was glad this Steve was able to have all of this and be happy with this Bucky. He would know about everything Bucky was talking about.

“You're quiet today,” Bucky commented when they sat down on one of the beach chairs.

“Just enjoying the view,” Steve said looking straight at Bucky and winking. He blushed and it was cute.

“Stop flirting with me, I’m a married man,” Bucky said as if it was a joke, but Steve knew just how right he was. Steve chuckled and relaxed into the chair. The sun on his face, a light breeze making the weather perfect. He nodded off to sleep. The rhythmic sound of Bucky’s voice lulling him to sleep.

*

Steve woke up slowly in his bed. He knew he wouldn’t be at a beautiful beach with his husband by his side. He knew that, but it still hurt waking up alone in his bedroom in New York.

He sighed. Visiting alternative universes was hurting him. But it wasn’t something he could really help. It was all the wanted and everything he couldn’t have. He got up and walked to his bathroom. Brushing his teeth, he could almost feel Bucky’s arms around him, the cold golden band on his left hand against his stomach.

He looked at himself in the mirror and felt his throat constricting with the effort he was making not to cry. He took a deep breath, rinsed his mouth and left his room, talking himself down as he headed to the kitchen. He was wearing only his pajama pants and couldn’t bring himself to care. He just wanted a cup of tea and to sulk a little on the couch, maybe watch a really bad romance and let himself pretend he was crying because of the story.

He wanted to be strong and emotionally stable, but seeing Bucky making scrambled eggs and looking over with a bright smile on his face was proving to be much more difficult than he expected. Steve’s bottom lip started to tremble and his vision started to get blurred by the tears. His breathing was coming in pants and it hurt. It physically hurt the knowledge that he couldn’t touch Bucky in his true reality.

He was crying his heart out in the middle of the room. A complete meltdown with his whole body shaking with the force of his sobs. He knew Bucky probably was looking at him like he was nuts. He didn’t have much time to think about that because not even thirty seconds later he felt two arms encircle his shoulder and pull him in. He fell against a solid chest and let himself be held and cared for.

“Wanna talk about it?” Bucky said softly in his ear.

“It was a dream,” Steve managed to mumble and decided it was at least half true.

“Okay,” Bucky breathed out and led them to sit on the couch. “You stay here and I’ll bring you a cup of tea.”

Steve nodded his head and curled up in on himself, lying sideways on the couch. He heard Bucky walking around the kitchen and could almost feel the worried aura around him. He felt bad because he liked being cared for by Bucky. That was fucked up.

He tried hard not to fall asleep again, keeping himself in check and then he decided to sit up on the couch. Bucky sat by him not long after, with a mug of tea in his hands. Steve took it from him carefully, taking a sip and sighing taking in the warmth.

“Thanks, Buck.”

“Whatever you need, pal,” Bucky rubbed his back.

Steve smiled at him, shyly, over the lid of his mug. “I think I need some time.”

Bucky frowned a little. “Oh, are you going for a run?”

Steve seemed to ponder for a while. “I don’t know. I should, though, it helps me clear my mind."

“Do you want me to-?” He stopped himself in the middle of the sentence biting his bottom lip, looking uncertain.

“I’d love for you to join me, Buck.”

“Really?”

“Yeah, I’m just gonna change.”

“Uh, me too.”

They got up and went to their own bedrooms. It didn’t take long for them to head to the park. Steve and Bucky ran together for about 2 hours, then Bucky sat it out and Steve continued for around thirty more minutes.

“Brunch?” Bucky asked as soon as Steve stood in front of him a little out of breath and sweaty.

“Okay,” He breathed out.

They ended up in a small cafe, a hipster little thing, where they ordered coffee and sandwiches. They ate in silence and Steve could feel Bucky watching him looking a little worried.

“I'm okay, Buck, really,” Steve said softly around the straw he was sipping his drink from.

“Will you talk to me if you’re not?” Bucky sounded almost vulnerable.

“Of course,” He reached out to touch Bucky’s hand across the table and smiled at him. Bucky squeezed his hand back.

They diverted the conversation from the topic of Steve’s mental breakdown earlier and talked about other things. Things that didn’t make Steve self-conscious of his emotions and reactions. Bucky was pretty good at that.

It was way past lunchtime when they returned to the Avengers Tower. Steve headed straight to the shower and let the water wash away the feelings of frustration and longing. The water was hot enough to relax his muscles and make him focus on his body rather than his mind. Focusing on his body, though, made him very aware of the hard-on he was sporting.

Steve reached down to touch himself and he hissed as the stroke made him also aware of the fact that his dick was hypersensitive. He started speeding up his motions trying to hold back the groans and moans that were coming out of his mouth. He let his head fall back into the tiles of the shower, only his pants and the slick sound of his hand on his dick echoing on the bathroom. He came with Bucky’s name dying on his throat and his spunk being washed by the warm spray of water.

Getting out of the shower to get dressed, F.R.I.D.A.Y informed him that Dr. Banner awaited for him on the lab. Steve headed to the elevator and there was no sign of Bucky on the apartment. Maybe he was practicing yoga somewhere else. Steve checked his phone, and there was a message from Bucky saying he was going shopping with Natasha. The message ended with a “sorry" and Steve didn’t know why.

He arrived on the lab and Bruce was very focused on the engine. The pink light was getting less and less bright and Steve could only hope it was a good sign.

“Steve, hey,” Bruce called him.

“Hey, wanted to see me?”

“Bucky said you had a breakdown this morning.” Steve, then, understood why there was a small sorry on Bucky’s last message.

“Oh,” was all Steve could muster.

“Talk to me about it.”

Steve sat on a chair close to the table to watch him work.

“We-“ Steve pause, taking a deep breath. “We were married, Bruce.”

Steve looked at his left hand, where his ring would be. Where it was. He was better now, he wouldn’t start crying, at least. But it still stung.

“Oh,” Bruce understood. “I'm sorry, Steve.”

He sounded truthful, not condescending.

“I'm sorry you have to go through this. I swear I’m doing the best I can.”

“I know, and for that I’m grateful.”

“Tony and I are almost sure we’re close to unveiling how this engine works and how to deactivate it.”

“How?”

Steve regretted asking because after about thirty minutes it still sounded it wasn’t even near the end of the explanation and he was understanding only about 60% of the words coming out of Bruce Banner’s mouth.

Tony entered the lab clapping and making as much noise as humanly possible and Steve had never been this glad to see the man.

“Bruce, that’s my cue. I’m going back to my floor. Don’t hesitate to call me!”

“You too, Steve. Not as a doctor, but as a friend.”

Steve smiled at him and entered the elevator ignoring Tony’s questioning.

Bucky didn’t arrive home until much later, Steve was making pasta and some peanut sauce he found the recipe for online. He was carrying many bags and went straight to his room.

“Dinner?” Steve called out from the kitchen.

“Yes, I’m starving!” Bucky yelled back.

“Come, then,” Steve said in a normal tone, remembering both of them had super hearing.

After dinner, Steve tried to procrastinate as much as he could so he wouldn’t fall asleep. It didn’t work as well as he wished it would. By midnight his eyes were closed by their own volition. He ended up falling asleep with a book on his hands sitting on his bed.

*

He was under debris, struggling to get free. He was in the same Helicarrier he had fought Bucky when he was more Winter Soldier than his friend. The adrenaline on his veins didn’t let him focus properly on what was truly happening. It was like he was having a nightmare reliving that day.

Steve then saw Bucky in Captain America’s uniform, lifting the metal stem so he could get free, with blood stains that were too familiar for comfort. He looked down at his hands and had the horrifying realization that one of them was metal.

No, no, no, it couldn’t be happening. He was the one who had fallen in this reality, taken by Hydra and made do terrible things for them. He understood Bucky’s guilt now. He couldn’t stop his body from striding forward, even if his mind was telling it to stay still. It was still him doing these things.

“You know me,” Bucky grunted.

“No, I don’t,” Steve roared, with no control whatsoever of what he was doing. It was like he was a mere spectator of the show.

They were panting, struggling to get up.

“Steve, you’ve known me your whole life,” Bucky pleaded. Steve attacked him then, with a punch that destabilized both of them.

“Your name is Steve Grant Rogers,” Bucky said, a waver in his voice.

“Shut up,” Steve screamed, there was a loud ringing in his ears. The conditioning wavering, loosening its grip, but still not letting go.

“I’m not gonna fight you,” Bucky let his shield fall from this hand and the jet. Steve wanted to scream for it was a stupid decision, he wouldn't have any form of protection now. He remembers being in his own reality and feeling desperate, thinking that if Bucky didn’t recognize him it wouldn’t matter if he was alive or not in the end. He would’ve died with Bucky at that moment, anyway.

“You’re my friend.”

Steve tackled him, both falling to the ground.

“You’re my mission,” he had said it with a slight uncertainty on his voice. Steve wished he could extract himself from what was going to happen next. He watched astonished as he punched Bucky’s face mercilessly, blow after blow breaking the skin. Steve had tears in his eyes, he tried his hardest to stop his body. He barely had control of any of his motions. He raised his fist for the last punch.

“Then finish it ‘cause-“ Bucky paused, struggling to pronounce the words, face marred and bruised. Tears were falling from Steve’s eyes freely now. “Cause I’m with you ‘till the end of the line.” Bucky completed and Steve mouthed the words in his own head. Bucky passed out and Steve watched with horror the structure they were fighting in give out.

He watched Bucky’s body fall once again. He jumped after him, suddenly regaining the control of this body. He dived into the river, searching for Bucky. He got a hold of him and dragged him to the safety of land. He stroked his face gently before getting up. As he was starting to get away, Bucky opened his eyes just a fraction, too tired and hurt to do much else.

Steve walked away, looking for someone, anyone to tell where Steve was. He was wet and shivering when he spotted Sam on the scene not too far from where he was hiding. He waited for the man to get closer and he got up.

“By the river.” He muttered, just loud enough for Sam to hear from where he was standing. “I’m sorry.” He said louder and ran away. He ended up passing out after finding an abandoned cabin after running for one hour or so.

*

Steve woke up screaming, tears running down his face. He could still see Bucky falling, his body limp and face bloody and bruised. He looked up when the door opened abruptly. Bucky got in the room and sat on his bed.

Steve reached for him immediately. Holding him close and muttering ‘I’m sorry’s into his shoulder. His quivering breaths coming out a little desperately. Bucky was rubbing his back and running fingers through his hair whispering “It’s okay, you’re safe with me.”

Only after several minutes, Steve started to calm down. “Would you lay here with me?”

Bucky didn’t answer, only laid down on the bed and pulled Steve close. He rested his head on Bucky’s chest and had his hand clutching the fabric of his soft shirt.

“Talk to me, Steve,” Bucky said still running his fingers through Steve’s hair, calming him down.

“I hurt you,” Steve sniffled, “I let you fall again.”

Bucky made a hurt noise on the back of his throat. “Steve,” he called softly until Steve looked up at him.

“It was just a bad dream. I’m with you now and till the end of the line.” At that, a few more tears fell from his eyes, but he nodded.

“I love you, Buck,” Steve said, settling his head in his chest again. “I hope you know that.”

“I love you too, Stevie.” Bucky hugged the man, pulling him even closer. Steve never felt safer than when he was in Bucky’s arms.

Steve couldn’t let himself fall asleep again, afraid of going back to the same reality he had just woken up from. He stayed there, with his head on Bucky’s chest, listening to the rhythmic sound of his heart. His breathing calming and grounding Steve to the real world. His real world at least. He was starting to wonder if it lasted for much longer he would start going insane, forever lost in between realities, never knowing which one was real and which one was not.

The sun was coming up in the sky but it still wasn’t a reasonable hour to get up, he turned his head to look at Bucky. The man was sleeping peacefully in his bed, it was a nice feeling. Getting to wake up by his best friend’s side. It’s been a long time since he saw Bucky sleeping so profoundly.

He turned on the bed to lay on his side and look at his phone when he felt the bed moving beside him and Bucky unconsciously moving with him. Plastering himself onto Steve’s back, placing his arm around Steve’s waist. He smiled at that as he opened the message app and shoot one to Bruce. It was good knowing he could talk about it with someone else.

Bruce wrote back saying he made advancements in the engine, he was sure it was only a matter of a couple of days before they could declare it officially deactivated. Steve prayed it would work because it was growing hard for him to fight sleep with Bucky cuddling him on his bed and being tired of getting so little and restless sleep.  
He tried to stay awake but sleep got the best out of him, and just like that he was asleep in Bucky’s warm embrace.

*

He was sat on a couch, he looked around at the old decor. It was like he had been back in time. Maybe he had. He opened the curtains and looked outside the window, what he saw was 1945’s Brooklyn. It was what he had dreamed of coming back to.

He looked around the apartment again, it was much nicer than the one Bucky and he used to share. It was bigger and the furniture looked like it was of good quality. It was no mansion, but it was somewhere he could spend a happy lifetime in. With Bucky, hopefully. He didn’t know where they stood in this reality. Or even if he was even here, that is.

Bruce had mentioned there may be realities where they never met or one of them died for good. He really hoped this one wasn’t any of those. He covered the window with the curtains just like it was before he looked outside.

Bucky came in from the door, in a suit. He seemed to be coming back from work.

“Hey,” Steve said cheerfully. Bucky smiled at him, let his briefcase on the dining table and walked to Steve until they were almost chest to chest. Bucky ran his hands down Steve’s chest and pulled him in by his tie.

“Hey doll, gimme a proper greeting,” Steve giggled delightedly, leaning in and kissing Bucky softly.

“Is that enough, sweetheart?”

“Not quite.” Bucky tucked at his tie again and Steve moved forward with no fight. He kissed Steve to an inch of his life, lips greedy and bruising. Steve was more than willing to give as good as he got. They heard a noise outside the front door and Bucky shoved him away. Cleaning his mouth with the back of his hand, he sent a pointed look at Steve as he walked to answer the door.

Steve frowned and moved to the kitchen, getting a tall glass of water to try and calm himself down. He didn’t know why Bucky acted like that. It took him a few seconds and hearing to the talk Bucky was having on their front door for him to realize why. It was the 40’s. Of course, Steve. It was still illegal. It was still an indecency.

“Oh, yeah, we could go out. Maybe make it a double date with one of your lady friends and my pal Steve?”

He heard a feminine giggle and a confirmation.

“It’s settled then, honey,” Bucky said and closed the door. He sighed and rubbed his eyes, heading to the kitchen and leaning his head on Steve’s chest.

He hugged Bucky close, nuzzling his hair and neck. “When are we going on a date?”

He could feel Bucky’s smile against his shirt at his wording. “Friday at 8.”

“We still got time, then.”

“I’m sick of having to do this, Stevie.”

“I know. I am too.” He said because it seemed true, it would be awful to keep hiding when he and Bucky finally worked things out.

“We could move out from just out of the city. You know Howard offered us a house.”

Steve sighed, that would be nice.

“I know we already talked about it and you don’t want to leave, but please just say you’ll consider it,” Bucky said and it startled him. Why didn’t this Steve want to move out somewhere they wouldn’t have to hide or pretend? Steve knew that if you had enough money nobody would bother you, even in the ’40s.

“I’m positively changing my mind,” Steve said carefully.

Bucky smiled softly at him and kissed him on the lips. They parted and Bucky started walking around the kitchen to seemingly prepare their dinner.

“Tell me about your day.” Steve was curious about their lives in this universe.

“Well, just the same with Stark Companies. Howard has me looking over the bookkeeping. It’s insanely boring sometimes, but you know I'm good with numbers.” Bucky shrugged. “That guy Stark calls his assistant is getting on my nerves with his bigotry, though. I might punch him one of these days if he doesn’t turn it down a notch.”  
Steve chuckled, Bucky’s accent was strong and he didn't know he had missed the familiarity of it so much.

“You’re not telling me not to do it?”

“Why would I? The guy deserves it.” At that, Bucky comes closer to him and places his hand on Steve’s shoulders.

“That's why I love you,” Bucky said pulling him in.

“I love you, too, Buck.”

Bucky smiled at him and went back to preparing dinner.

“What about your day, Mr. super spy?”

Steve chuckled. “The same as always. A lot of paperwork, hearing a lot of shit from the others.”

“What about opening your own agency?” Steve paused to consider what he would say.

“Howard and I have been talking about it more and more these days. It’s gonna happen.”

Bucky hummed in agreement.

“Besides, Howard can’t shut up about Peggy-“ Steve stopped talking, he was bullshiting his way into this with the knowledge he had that Peggy and Howard had founded S.H.I.E.L.D in his world. Bucky had made a questioning noise and was now looking at him with a frown on his face.

“Peggy Carter,” Steve nodded and Bucky continued, “You mean, as in, Captain America?”

Oh.

Steve opened and closed his mouth a few times, not really knowing how to save this conversation.

“Yeah, Howard can’t shut up about having a statue of her in the middle of the room, so she can inspire everyone or something,” Steve tried because being this extravagant was just up Stark’s alley.

“In full costume, I bet,” Bucky said rolling his eyes.

“Damn right, you know Stark.” Steve chuckled. “She would hate that.”

“What did you tell him?”

“A picture up front, among the founder of the agency would be much more reasonable.”

“That one where she is wearing red lipstick and her army uniform?”

“Yeah, that one.” Steve smiled fondly.

“That’d be much better,” Bucky said coming closer to him again. Steve got up and pulled him close when he was near enough.

“Thanks,” Steve said.

“For what?”

“For being you.”

“You're a sap, punk.”

“Jerk.”

They spent the rest of the night talking about their lives. Well, Bucky was talking and Steve was paying close attention to the man. He wasn’t the same Steve remembered from before the war, but this Bucky also hadn’t been through the trauma of being the Winter Soldier. He was just a man scarred by war, which was traumatic enough already in itself.

It was nice to see what they could’ve been, all things considered. Peggy had been Captain America but Steve still had Captain America’s body. He didn’t know how to ask about that without sound completely out of his mind. Maybe he had always been healthy in this reality, joining the army at the same time as Bucky. Maybe he was the army officer that helped recruit Peggy and had her save Bucky when they heard he was MIA.

They went to bed together. Bucky fell asleep first. Steve traced his face with light fingers. He touched his eyebrows, the curve of his nose, the edge of his jaw. ‘Don't forget me,’ he thought. ‘I won’t forget you, my Bucky.’

Closing his eyes, Steve let sleep take over him. The next time he opens his eyes he would be back in his world, where he and Bucky wouldn’t be lovers, wouldn’t be this unscarred. But at least they would be real.

*

He opened his eyes and felt a heavy arm around his waist, his back touching another person’s body, slowly breathing on the back of his neck. It took him a few seconds to realize it wasn’t another peek at another reality. He had fallen asleep in Bucky’s arms that night.

Steve turned to face his sleeping best friend. Their faces were close. Much closer than what would be considered completely platonic. Their noses almost touching. Steve didn’t know what time it was and couldn’t be bothered to really care.

He noticed Bucky’s eyes fluttering open and a lazy smile growing on his face. Steve smiled back at him. They stayed in silence as Bucky reached up with his hand to cup Steve’s cheek and then ran his fingers through his hair.

“Better?” Bucky croaked, his voice hoarse with sleep.

“Peachy,” Steve tried to joke.

Bucky pushed him onto the bed, looming over him. Steve was painfully aware of his own morning wood and was afraid Bucky would notice. Breathing through his nose he tried to calm himself down.

Bucky wasn’t helping at all, he straddled Steve and arched a brow.

“Not a time for joking, asshole.”

“I'm better, Buck. You helped a lot,” Bucky smiled at that.

“I wish you’d talk to me about it.”

“There’s nothing to talk about, really.”

Bucky arched a brow at him again, he was definitely not convinced. Steve sighed.

“I think there are a few things I have to deal with by myself,” Bucky winced at that.

“Ouch,” Bucky tried to joke, but continued speaking softly, “Just go see a therapist, please.” Steve seemed to consider the idea for a few seconds.

“That might be a good idea.”

“Of course it’s a good idea, my ideas are nothing but great.”

“I beg to differ?!” Bucky swatted at his arm and they laughed. Only then he seemed to remember he was still straddling Steve, so he blushed and pulled away, laying by him once again. Steve stretched and yawned.

“We should get up.”

“Got anywhere to be?”

Steve turned his head to look at Bucky.

“Not really, no,” He responded. Bucky hummed.

“We could spend the day here, watching that series we’ve been postponing.”

“Which one?”

“Game of kings or something.”

“I think it’s ‘thrones'.” Bucky shrugged.

“So what do you say?”

“Deal, but I can’t promise you I won't fall sleep on you.”

Bucky laughed at that, pulling Steve to his side and hugging him to his chest.

“Okay, sleepyhead.”

“Jerk,” Steve mumbled.

“Punk,” Bucky said happily retrieving the remote control from Steve’s bedside table and turning the TV on.

They had watched a couple of episodes when Steve’s stomach growled loudly and both of them chuckled. Steve groaned as he got up, stretching. He still had his arms up when Bucky tickled him on his side and Steve shirked.

“You-“ And then he was running after Bucky to tickle him back. He chased him around the dinner table, both laughing like little kids until Bucky surrendered and Steve tackled him to the ground tickling him in retaliation.  
They were laughing so hard they were out of breath, chests weaving. Steve looked down at Bucky with a smile on his face.

“C’mon, let’s eat.”

He got up and offered his hand for Bucky to take. Steve hoisted him up and, with that, they were so close they were breathing the same air. Their chests still weaving slightly. The air heavy between them, they were getting closer little by little. Their lips were about to touch when F.R.I.D.A.Y’s voice was heard. They flinched away from each other, avoiding eye contact and blushing hard.

“Captain Rogers, Sergeant Barnes, I’m sorry to interrupt.”

“What is it, F.R.I.D.A.Y?” Steve asked.

“Mr. Stark requests your presence in his lab.”

“We still need to have breakfast,” Bucky complained.

“I'm afraid it’s an emergency, sir.”

“Oh, we’ll be there immediately.” They sighed and headed to their rooms to change. They changed, brushed their teeth. When they were heading to the elevator Bucky ran to the kitchen and came back with two protein bars for each of them. Steve took it from his hand with a grateful look on his face.

“Thanks, Buck.” He said as he unwrapped the first one and ate most of it in one bite, Bucky chuckled.

“Any time, squirrel.” Bucky teased him taking a bite from his own bar. Steve chuckled and rolled his eyes.

The elevator doors opened to reveal Tony Stark looking slightly disheveled, drinking coffee as if it was his sole purpose in life.

“Starbucks, hey!” He said as soon as he spotted them. “Come here, take a look.”

Stark stood in front of the alien tech that Steve touched. The light was so faint it was almost out. It worried Steve because even though the light was much less bright, his trips to other realities were as intense as it was in the beginning.

“It's an organism, not a machine,” Tony was way too excited.

“What?!” Steve was definitely worried.

“Yes! It grants what the person who touches it wants the most,” Banner entered the room and explained.

“Why was it bringing aliens here, then?” Bucky was the one who asked.

“Someone who touched it really wanted to destroy Earth, so it brought aliens from another universe and for what we know it would disappear, but someone else touched it here,” Tony explained giving Steve the stink eye.

“Is it waiting for my biggest wish to come true?” Steve was dumbfounded.

“Basically, yes.”

“Why is the light so faint, though?” Steve was frowning looking at the alien thing.

“We guessed it’s because your wish is almost coming true.”

Steve recalled minutes before when he and Bucky were about to kiss, the tension between them so thick it could be cut with a knife. The way they were so cozy and domestic watching things on tv laying on his bed. Living and building a life with Bucky was his biggest desire.

“Oh,” was all Steve said.

“You should tell him,” Bruce said with a finality to his tone.

“Tell what to who?” Bucky was confused and for a second Steve forgot he was there.

“Nothing, Buck,” Steve said with the stoic look on his face, the look which seemed he held the weight of the world on his shoulders.

“Steve,” Bucky was also serious, his jaw clenched.

“Bucky,” Steve said in the same tone. Both too stubborn for their own good.

“Okay,” Tony said dragging the word for effect. “This is awkward, could you go to your floor and argue or have this stare down like a normal couple in the privacy of your own home?”

Steve and Bucky turned their stare to Tony and headed to the elevator. They were silent the whole way up.

“Steve,” Bucky spoke first when they got to the apartment. Steve pinched the bridge of his nose. He threw himself on the couch and sighed.

“Bucky, seriously, it’s nothing.”

“I bet that’s the reason you’re having these nightmares.”

“They are not nightmares exactly.”

“Why do you wake up crying, though?” Bucky insisted. “It’s been happening for almost a week now.”

“It's complicated,” Steve whined. He really didn’t want to talk about it. It would be uncomfortable and he would cringe all the way through this.

“I got time,” Bucky pressed on and stared at him. Steve’s cheeks were growing hot.

“No, really. I’ll tell you, just not now.” Bucky hummed in agreement but still didn’t sound convinced.

“I'll hold you to that.” And just like that Bucky draped the subject and they headed to the kitchen to prepare something to eat. They were side by side, working on making sandwiches in silence.

“You’re giving me the silent treatment?” Steve murmured when the hours passed and Bucky still hadn’t spoken a word to him. Bucky turned to look at him and raised a brow.

“Come on, Buck.”

“I'm going to bed,” Bucky announced with a grumpy expression on his face.

Steve sighed and decided to get up and go to bed too. He’d give Bucky time, he didn’t have much choice. He walked slowly to his room only to stop by the door. He saw

Bucky curled up in his bed, right where they had woken up that morning.  
Steve stripped to his underwear and got on the bed, covering himself with the blanket.

“I thought you were going to bed,” Steve said laying on his side, his back turned to Bucky.

“I am in bed, aren’t I?” Bucky spooned him. His chest touching Steve’s back.

“Yeah, mine.”

“Not letting you alone, I’ll end up here by the morning anyway.”

“Don't be an ass.”

“Whatever,” Bucky mumbled and made himself comfortable in their position, his thumb rubbing Steve’s hip. Steve smiled quietly at this comforting gesture. Bucky was still a bit mad or hurt because he wouldn’t talk to him. Steve will tell him by morning, he was going to spend one last night in another universe, and then he’d put an end to his travels.

He fell asleep slowly that night, with Bucky presence behind him. Feeling safe and warm, he closed his eyes with the certainty that whatever reality he was about to see, nothing would ever compare to the feeling of his Bucky, the one he had known for the best part of a hundred years, sleeping beside him.

*

He woke up feeling small. Short. Thin. He woke up in the body he hadn’t seen in almost eighty years. The slight wavering of his breath worried him. The room he was in was bright and big, a comfortable bed behind him. He got out of the bedroom and went down the stairs, following the smell of food.

“Hey darling,” A famine voice called him from the frozen state he was by the door.

Sarah Rogers stood in the middle of the kitchen preparing his lunch. His loving mother, with that same smile he remembered, looking worriedly at him.

“You okay Steve? Is your asthma acting up again?”

“I'm okay, ma,” Steve said, voice breaking slightly with emotion.

“Come give me a kiss, then.”

He walked to his mother and wrapped his arms tightly around her.

“Missed you,” He said.

“Oh, Steve, I’ve been gone for 18 hours, most of those you were asleep anyway.”

“Nonetheless I’ve missed you, ma,” Steve said seriously.

“Okay, okay,” She laughed and made him sit on the table to eat.

“What does your clock say?”

“Clock?” Steve sounded confused and Sarah rolled her eyes.

“Yes, your clock, silly.” And pointed at his right wrist.

Steve took a look at his wrist and on the inner part there was a digital clock counting down one hour, thirty-six minutes and eleven seconds and that’s what he told his mother.

“Are you excited?” His mother sounded way too excited.

“I don’t know,” He said sincerely.

“It's gonna be fine, Stevie. You’re one of the lucky ones to find your soulmate so early in life.”

“You think so?” Steve was still trying to make sense of her words. Soulmate? Early in life? How old was he?

“Last year of high school is pretty early, honey.”

“Yeah, I guess. Well, I gotta go, meet my soulmate and all.” Steve ran to his room, leaving his food untouched, and leaned on the closed door. He was seventeen, meeting his soulmate in like an hour and low key freaking out.

He searched his wardrobe for something to wear and didn’t know how kids dressed up in this reality. He thought of his own reality and what Peter used to wear besides his Spider-man costume. He put on tight jeans, a plaid shirt and a sweater on top. Looking outside his window it seemed to be fall, so his outfit would have to do.

He grabbed the backpack that was on the floor and was about to head out of the door. He stopped on his tracks and went back to the kitchen where his mother was still having breakfast and reading a book. He kissed her cheek and said his goodbyes. She smiled up at him and ushered him to go to school. It’s been so long since he had his mother to take care of him that now that he had this he really didn’t want to take it for granted.

Steve walked two blocks when he realized he had completely no clue where his school was. He spotted a café and decided to get in to eat something and search for any clue inside his bag of where his school could be. He got in with his head down placed his backpack on a table and started going through his things.

He found his wallet, put it in his pocket and started taking a look at the papers inside the bag. After unfolding what felt like millions of papers he finally found one with the name of his school on it. Because Steve left home early he still had time to at least order a drink at this café so he headed to the back of the line to order a sugary coffee that was his guilty pleasure.

He kept his head down looking at his phone to find out how to get to his school now he knew its name. The line was going pretty quickly and he found out his school was just a couple of block from the café, thank god. This body couldn’t afford running to class if it was too far.

He was next in line so he pocketed his phone and when he looked up and locked eyes with the guy in front of him. It was Bucky. He heard two beeps that came from his wrist. He sucked in a breath and looked at his clock. It was zeroed. He looked up again at Bucky with wide eyes and found his expression mirrored in his face.

“Hi,” Steve said with a shy smile on his face.

“Hey, soulmate.” Bucky had this smirk on his face.

“You can call me Steve.”

Bucky giggled and smiled wide.

“I’m James. What can I get you today?”

“A cappuccino and your number, please.”

“That I can do.”

“How much is it?” Steve reached for his wallet.

“It’s on the house, Steve,” Bucky winked at him and proceeded to prepare his order, soon enough it was in front of him and there was a number scribbled on the side.

“Thank you,” Steve said taking his cappuccino from Bucky’s hands.

“Maybe you can take me out tonight to make up for it.”

“I’ll think about it,” Steve said teasing him. Thank god there wasn’t anybody behind him waiting in line. Bucky chuckled again and shook his head.

“I gotta go. Bye, James.”

“See you, Steve.”

Smiling, Steve headed to his school with a spring in his steps no one could judge him. After all, he met his soulmate today and it was exactly who he thought would be. While he was walking to school, he sent a message to the number Bucky wrote on the side of his cup.

\- Hi, James! It's Steve xx

Almost immediately he got the reply. They decided to meet up downtown that evening, an official date. Steve was giddy but made sure to take notes of his classes so this dimension’s Steve wouldn’t be too screwed.

Steve found funny how slightly different all the dimensions were. For example, in this one the teachers are the ones to change classes, not students, they all stayed in and waited for the next teacher to come in. The one where he was married to Bucky everything seemed to be on the opposite side than he expected it to be, he couldn’t quite explain it. But each reality seemed to be out of place, one way or another.

He learned that this Steve was a bit of a genius and anything could be dodged by the soulmate explanation. Everybody was expected to be a little out of it when they met the one. So if Steve got weird looks he would say that he met his soulmate today and his head wasn’t entirely there, sorry ma’am, and then he would be met with happy smiles and congratulations. It was nice how supportive people were.

He went home to a note from his ma saying she got an extra shift at work but would be home tonight. He was happy she was here for this Steve, it was only fair that he lost everything in one reality and got to have it all in another. The universe balancing itself and all that stuff.

He messaged Bucky back and forth and by the time they set to meet he was a little nervous. He wanted to do it right, to set the tone for the Steve who would take over as soon as he fell asleep. It was a big responsibility and Steve took it very seriously. He spent some time trying to learn who this Steve was, how he talked my looking at his messages and what he liked. It turned out they were pretty similar in taste, which should be obvious but Steve wasn’t taking any risks, for once.

He got ready around seven and went to the subway station following the directions on his phone. He got money on his wallet and his inhaler in case it was needed. He remembers this body trying to fail him when he was nervous or too excited. He discovered that his ailments were mostly under control. Sarah worked her ass off to pay for treatment and Steve would be eternally grateful.

He got to the restaurant they chose (Bucky chose, actually) and Bucky was already waiting for him with a soft smile on his lips. They sat on the table and Steve was quite awkward, but Bucky broke the silence.

“So, Steve, tell me about yourself.”

“Uh, I’m 17, senior year of high school and I want to go to NYU. It’s just my ma and me at home and, uh, that’s it.” Steve had flushed cheeks, he wasn’t used to first dates.

“Cool, I study at Columbia.”

“How old are you?”

“About to turn 19 in March.”

“My birthday is in July,” Steve said. “What about your family?”

“I have three sisters and they live with my parents in Indiana.”

“Oh, you’re by yourself in New York, then?”

“Yeah, I got a few friends.”

“And a soulmate now.”

“And a soulmate,” Bucky repeated with a smile.

They talked the whole night, the restaurant wasn’t really fancy, Bucky was still a broke college student after all. It seemed this Bucky didn’t go by Bucky in this reality. Steve called him James the whole night and it sounded weird in his mouth, he almost slips up once or twice but caught himself in time.

After dinner, Bucky walked him to the subway station a few blocks from there and they waited together. It turned out they lived only one station apart, which made Steve smile. When Bucky announced he got off on the next one, Steve pulled him close and kissed his lips for the first time. Bucky touched his cheek and kissed him a bit harder. He pulled away quickly and had a grin on his face.

“See you, Stevie. Shoot me a message when you get home safe.”

“See you, James.”

“Call me Bucky.”

Steve raised his eyebrow and smiled.

“Bye Bucky,” He pecked at his lips, then the doors opened and Bucky walked out waving at him. He waved back and when home sighing happily. It has been a truly great last day. He felt like his face was going to slit in two by his smiling so wide.

He got home, kissed his mom on the cheek and told her everything from his date with Bucky. He talked animatedly with his hands and blushed, saying they kissed in the end. She hugged him and told him how happy she was his soulmate was good and what he expected. It made him wonder how many soulmates weren’t that good to each other and if his dad in his reality had also been awful. He hoped not, his mom didn’t deserve any of that.

She announces she would be going to bed since she had a pretty early shift the next day but promised they would be together the whole weekend. Steve wished her a good night and thought he would miss her hugs and her smile, but he couldn’t stop feeling lucky e had the chance to see her this very last time, to feel her embrace and feel her love in person once again.

Steve was sure his mother was looking at him in his real world and would be proud of the man he had become, even if she would slap him over the head for his reckless decisions. Luckily he had Bucky to talk his ear off for each one of those.

“Mom?” Steve called when she was about to enter her room.

“Yes, honey?”

“I love you.”

“Aw, Steve, I love you too. Sleep well,” Was her response. Steve smiled and wished her a good night too before going to his own room and changing out of his clothes to go to sleep. He laid his head on the pillow feeling good about himself and his decisions.

*

He opened his eyes and he was curled up on Bucky’s chest and a hand rubbing circles into his back. He hummed and hugged Bucky closer, smiling slightly.

“No nightmares tonight?” Bucky asked curiously.

“I told you they weren’t nightmares, not all of them, at least.”

“Whatever you say, Stevie.”

“I'm gonna tell you.”

“Now?”

“Yeah, well it all started because I touched that alien engine…”

“I told you not to touch alien shit.”

“Shhh, I trying to tell you the story.”

Steve started telling him about that night he visited his first reality.

“A different reality?” Bucky sounded confused.

“Yeah, Bruce said that I went to a parallel universe, that’s what happened with those aliens, they weren’t from our reality.”

“Okay, go on.”

“You still had your metal arm and you were cooking breakfast.”

“I'm awful at cooking, poor us.”

Steve chuckled and continued. “You kissed me as soon as I set foot on the kitchen.”

Steve waited for a reaction but there was none, Bucky went from rubbing circles on his back to playing with his hair and just hummed as an acknowledgment.

“You were a yoga instructor and I was a personal trainer. Nat was pregnant and we were the godfathers,” Steve smiled fondly at that. “I started looking for any clue in the apartment that it was something hydra related, I found nothing but an engagement ring hidden in your clothes.”  
Bucky sucked in a surprised breath but that was the only reaction he had.

“I woke up crying and went running.”

“That's why you vanished that first morning,” Bucky murmured and Steve confirmed.

“The second night we were on our honeymoon and you had both flesh arms.”

“Oh,” Bucky said.

“We were at this beautiful beach slash resort kinda place and you were a fucking tease.”

“What do you mean, Stevie?” There was something about Bucky’s tone he could quite pinpoint. Steve looked up and he had a small sly smile on his face. Steve chuckled and moved to straddle him, making good use of his morning wood (that was reluctant to go away because he kept replaying the way Bucky touched him) and grinding down on Bucky. He clearly wasn’t expecting that by the startled moan he emitted and the way his hand grabbed Steve’s hips to keep him in place.

“That’s what I mean,” Steve whispered in Bucky’s ear, making them touch from hips to chests. Bucky moved his hands to Steve’s ass making him grind on him a little and both of them moaned.

“Go on Steve.”

“You didn’t let me finish, you said there was going to be a surprise that night.”

“What was it?”

“I don’t know, I fell asleep in a beach chair and woke up.”

“Wasn’t that the day you had a breakdown in the middle of the living room?” Bucky sounded concerned and Steve was still laying on top of him.

“Yeah,” He breathed out. “It was when I realized I’d never had anything like that, it was like I had everything I wanted and got to taken from my hands every morning.”

“Steve,” Bucky said softly and hugged him.

“Let me continue,” Steve said. “The next night I was the Winter Soldier.”

“What?” Bucky sounded startled.

“I had the metal arm and we were back in the Helicarrier and you let your shield fall from it. I wasn’t in control and I hit you so many times.” Steve was on the verge of crying again. Bucky hugged him even closer.

“I'm sorry,” Bucky said.

“No, Buck, I’m sorry.”

“You have nothing to be sorry for.”

“Neither do you.”

Bucky sighed and told Steve to continue.

“The next one we were in the ’40s,” Steve explained. “Peggy was Captain America and we were together as a couple but we had hidden.”

“It was still a crime back then,” Bucky said in awe.

“Yeah, you set a date with a girl for both of us.”

“It sucked to have to do that back then.” Bucky had a tone to his voice that indicated he was lost in his own memories.

“What?” Steve was surprised and looked at Bucky with his brows raised.

“Yeah,” Bucky shrugged.

“Howard had offered us a house out of the city where we could’ve been out.”

“We went, right?”

“I was hesitant for some reason.”

“Always a punk,” Bucky mumbled teasing him.

“Hey,” Steve protested.

“What about this last one?”

“We were soulmates.”

“We are soulmates, Steve,” Bucky said as if it was obvious. He proceeded to ignore Bucky’s statement.

“My ma was alive.”

Bucky made a surprised noise, sucking a breath.

“I was still small and was 17.”

“What about me?”

“You worked in a coffee shop and was 19.”

“How did you know we were soulmates?”

Steve sat up on Bucky’s lap and took his right arm, he touched the inside of his wrist.

“We had a small clock right here and, when we met, it went off at the same time.”

“Wow,” Bucky breathed out.

“And I’m here now.” Steve was now holding Bucky’s hand, softly playing with his fingers, avoiding eye contact.

“I love you and I wish you had told me sooner.”

“I love you too, Buck.”

“Come here,” Bucky said lightly pushing Steve to lay on him. As soon as they were chest to chest, Bucky kissed Steve’s lips. At first just a touch of lips but it escalated quickly. There were bites and their tongues moving in sync. They knew it would be okay now.

The next time Steve fell asleep he set into a dreamless slumber, he woke up rested and happy with the assurance he was staying here with Bucky, never peeking at other realities anymore. He sometimes wondered what was happening in the worlds he visited.  
Did his Winter Soldier Steve find Bucky? How were they living as soulmates? Did they move out of the city in the ’40s? How was their life as newlyweds? Did Bucky propose to Steve that night? Did he say yes? Did they set the date for the wedding? How was Nat’s baby?

His mind drifted for a few minutes but then he looked around and was so happy and glad for this life, this reality, his true reality that he couldn’t spare the time to wonder what was happening there when “Here” and “Now” was everything he wished for.

As if on cue, Bucky entered the room and kissed Steve’s lips briefly, then asked how his day had been. Steve smiles and blabbered away. They told their teammates and all of them had unimpressed expressions on their faces. Bruce was the one who seemed the happiest they worked things out and assured that the Alien was taken away with Thor.

Steve had never felt so at peace.


End file.
